Rev. Doug Gray
A few years ago, I told this story, but it’s just perfect to re-tell it today. A a precocious four-year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked into her ears with an otoscope, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?” The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?” Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?” “Oh, no!” the little girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart. Barney’s on my underpants.” Well, if Jesus is in my heart and your hearts, what does life look like? Paul has written one of the most amazing passages about love that has ever been written. Let’s look at it together.
Want to know what love is? Ever want to know whether you were just in love or had the real thing? Do you want to become a better lover? Then today’s passage is for you! So let’s look at it together.
Love is or does...
Patient
Kind
Rejoices with the truth
Protects
Trusts
Hopes
Perseveres
Believes
Love isn’t & doesn’t...
Envy
Boast
Proud
Rude
Self-seeking
Easily angered
Keep record of wrongs
Delight in evil
1. Love is something you do, not something you feel. One of the first things we might notice is that the left column has more verbs. Love is not something you have; it’s something you do. Stephen Covey, in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, tells this story.
At one seminar where I was speaking...a man came up and said, “Stephen, I like what you’re saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don’t love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”
“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” I asked.
“That’s right,” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”
“Love her,” I replied.
“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”
“Love her.”
“You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t here.”
“Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”
“But how do you love when you don’t love?”
“My friend, love is a verb. Love—the feeling is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?
Feelings come and go, and they can run hot and cold. But love is a decision backed up by action. Even in good marriages, the feeling of love is not always there, but if you continue to love each other—you keep doing things that are loving—then the feeling can always come back. Lesson #1 for better loving: love is something you do, not something you feel.
2. Love is the way. Look at the right column for a moment. What do all these things have in common? They are all selfish. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from M. Scott Peck in his book, The Road Less Traveled, “Love is the will to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” Love is always aimed at what helps people and communities grow, even about what helps ourselves grow. Self-love is important for us—Jesus reminded his disciples that we are to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No matter how good or praiseworthy the action, if it is done without love then it falls short. Love is not only what we do, love is how we do it. If you’re a good teacher, I will guarantee you will be a great one if you do it with love. If you’re a good father or husband, I guarantee you will be a great one if you do it in a loving way. So lover lesson #2: If you want to be a great lover, you must do loving things in a loving way.
So hold on, where does faith come in? How are faith, hope and love connected? Faith is good. Faith helps us open up so that we can receive the love God desires to give us. Faith helps us trust when we cannot see what the next step will be. But we have faith in God because of God’s love for us. In the end, by God’s grace we will stand before God and we will not need to walk by faith any more, for then we will as Paul says, “see face-to-face.” Hope is good. Hope helps give us courage. Hope can keep us in the game when we can’t see how we can possibly win. But we have hope because of the power and triumph of God’s love. The cross could not stop Jesus’ love, and even when we fail and fall, God’s love is greater than our darkness. As good and worthwhile as faith and hope are, they are both rooted in God’s spectacular, radical, relentless love for us.
Love always finds a way. If we truly want to love, we will find (and God will show us!) a way to act on that love in a loving way. Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia, who wrote, Habits of the Heart, once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentlemen who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,” Nothing, I just helped him cry.” My friends, God has placed you in this world to love. Without love, all we do, all our achievements are worthless. Without love, all our smarts and good sense are wasted. And how will we love today? How will we use our words and actions to reflect the love God has already shown to us? How will what we do reflect what Jesus Christ did for us? Love will find a way.